By Karen Benjamin
I was 26 years old when I walked away from an inpatient eating disorder hospital. I didn’t feel safe allowing anyone else to have that much control over my life. I didn’t believe that there was any reason to stop dieting. I was completely identified with the person that allowed the scale to control her life, to determine her value, her happiness. I didn't even know to hope for anything different. I believed that this life, this suffering, was as good as it was ever going to get. And then I was introduced to Geneen Roth.
It took a day of repeatedly glancing at the Geneen Roth workshop flyer on my desk before I became curious. Could there really be something more to my issues with food than just wanting to control the size of my body? I didn't believe it, but divine intervention stepped in and I signed up. My life has not been the same since.
Being the ultimate beginner, I first had to learn to trust a body that I had never lived in. I had to learn to go beneath the thoughts and the beliefs. To sit with myself at a deeper level than I had ever known existed. I had to consider who I was without my eating disorder, without my history. I had to allow for hope to reenter my life. And so it did.
Over the years, I have committed my life to learning my truth. Now I know how to show up for myself and I understand the importance of treating myself with kindness. I have learned to nourish my body and to treat it with respect. Most importantly, I now know where home is. The life I was meant to be living started the day I risked everything and listened to a random stranger. Geneen, her teachers, and the retreat community -- they have all helped me become who I am today and to see what is possible for tomorrow.
I have deep love and gratitude for every step of this journey. What is miraculous is that I truly know from the bottom of my heart that this life, this moment, is as good as it ever gets.