Satisfying Mind Hunger

By Geneen Roth

During the peak of my diet and binge days, hunger had nothing to do with how much I consumed--I ate because I was angry, sad, bored, lonely, or tired, or because I was celebrating, grieving, or getting ready to go on another diet. It never occurred to me that eating had anything to do with hunger or fullness. That's because I didn't let my body get hungry. I ate from what I call mind hunger.

Most of us confuse mind hunger, which has nothing to do with food, with body hunger, which does. After years of off-and-on dieting, we aren't even sure we know how to feel true hunger; we no longer trust the innate wisdom of our biology. But being hungry is like being in love: If you don't know, you're probably not. Your body lets you know in no uncertain terms when it wants food.

Mind hunger, on the other hand, is endless, bottomless, erratic. You pass a bakery and suddenly you have to have an éclair, even though you ate breakfast 10 minutes ago. You're sitting in a restaurant, see a plate of mashed potatoes go by, and want some now, even though you're in the middle of a very good meal.

The way I learned to listen to true physical hunger was by rating myself on a scale of one to ten. "One" is so hungry that you're ready to eat what doesn't eat you first. "Ten" is so stuffed that when you roll over, your stomach stays on the other side of the bed. "Five" is comfortable.

If you start eating at five or above on the hunger scale, you're eating from mind, not body, hunger. But if you start at two or three, and ask your body what it wants to eat (which is different than what you think you should or shouldn't eat), you're eating from true, physical hunger.

When one of my students started using the hunger scale, she realized that she experienced different sensations during each of the phases of hunger. At two--when she was really hungry--she felt empty and hollow. When she was slightly hungry--at three or four--she felt spacey and cranky. These feelings became clues that she needed to eat. She also realized that it was best to start eating at two or three, and not wait until one, so she had time to figure out what her body actually wanted, instead of being so hungry that she would eat anything.

Years ago, a woman confessed to me that food was her main source of pleasure, the only time in the whole day she gave herself permission to have sweetness, tastes of good things, and time to herself. The hunger scale had no meaning for her--she ate when she needed to stop running around, not when she was hungry. Without treats to look forward to when she felt overwhelmed, she believed she was dooming herself to a life of drudgery. I suggested we come up with a variety of nonfood pleasures, ways to treat herself that did not involve cookies: Quiet time. Being in nature. Making contact with a friend. When food stopped being her only source of pleasure, she was able to follow the hunger scale.

Eating when you're hungry is not what causes weight gain; you put on pounds when your body has no need for food and you eat anyway. To reach your natural weight, you not only need to eat when you're physically hungry, but to stop when your body has had enough. Yet most of us have no idea what "enough" means. We keep taking more than enough of what we can get (food) because we believe it's impossible to get enough of what we really want--things such as love, joy, value, happiness, contentment, understanding, friendship.

In a recent workshop, a woman told me, "When I stop eating at seven, I feel deprived. Food still tastes good, even though my body has had enough." I reminded her that there are many kinds of deprivation. If you eat past seven, you might not be depriving yourself of food, but you will be denying yourself the sensations of feeling light, alive, and energetic.

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When you start eating to satisfy your physical hunger, having enough is simply a matter of listening to your body's signals. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind as you begin to listen.

Being full and having enough are not necessarily the same thing. You can have enough without being full--or stuffed. As you eat, be aware of the point at which you feel satisfied. And eat slowly enough for that feeling of satisfaction to register. (It takes about 20 minutes for your brain to get the "I'm feeling satisfied" message from your stomach.)

You can never get enough of what you don't really want. If what you crave is time alone or a conversation with a friend, no food in the world will satisfy you. Or if your body wants a piece of chocolate and you eat carrot sticks instead, you can eat enough to turn your skin orange, but you'll still want, and possibly binge on, chocolate.

To be satisfied, both your mind and body have to be engaged. If you miss the entire eating experience by talking or watching television, you'll finish eating and feel as if you didn't get enough.

When you stop using food to feed the hungers of your heart, you not only discover the pleasure of eating exactly what your body wants, but you also are free to attend to parts of your life you never noticed because your attention was completely taken up with what should be on your diet or what you should and shouldn't be eating, wanting, sneaking, or bingeing on. You become aware of quiet needs, unspoken desires, and the thrilling, crazy, unexpected joys of being alive.

Now that's what I call a feast!

If you enjoyed reading this article, I invite you to join me at my next workshop, March 11 and 12, 2016, in Redwood City, California.

No matter how sophisticated, wise, or enlightened you believe you are, how you eat tells all. If you want to understand and change your beliefs about abundance, scarcity, deprivation, relaxation, kindness, and what you deserve to give yourself, the world is on your plate.

End your struggle. In this workshop, you will learn the tools of inquiry, body-sensing, meditation, and Geneen's Eating Guidelines that are the basis of the journey itself. Live the life you truly want.

 http://geneenroth.com/workshops/women-food-and-god-the-workshop/

 

 

 

16 responses to “Satisfying Mind Hunger

  1. You speak to my heart and I can’t wait to be able to come to one of your retreats. I read your first book 30 years ago and still struggle with being happy about myself. Happiness somehow seems to be hereditary. That is so sad.

  2. Wow! That is almost as engaging as “Kindness is the Answer”, which I printed so I could carry it around with me. Both these articles are near and dear to me. I split up with my husband the first week of April and we separated when we sold our townhouse. I have been struggling with intense cravings for food and have binged a few times since. Suddenly my relatioship with food got crazy and I was out of control. I couldn’t figure out why. Then a wise counselor said, ” I don’t think you’re done with the marriage” and it all made sense. Even though I initiated the break-up, I still had to deal with all the feelings that came up when I ended our 20+ years of marriage. That night, I went home and started being with everthing that was coming up without judgement. And now my eating is okay. Thank-you for another great article!!!

  3. Yes! This is so what I needed right now. Yesterday, on Yom Kippur, I was fasting all day and at a 1. Then at bedtime I had a “food baby” in my belly and felt so full, I was so sick to my stomach…definitely a 10. Putting the memory of yesterday to understand my 1 and 10 is really helpful. Thank you!

  4. I remember coming to the workshops years ago. At the time I had no trigger for fullness. I also remember Geneen saying this is a process. Well, now I get it. The first time I felt satisfied with food, really felt a click in my body telling me I had enough, I wasn’t even sure what it was because it had been so long since I had felt it. The joys of having enough but not being stuffed can’t be stressed enough. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you, Geneen.

  5. What do you do when you know better but you still don’t want to do better? I’ve been in a IOP, for nearly 2 years, countless hours of therapy and everything you said here rings true with what I’ve learned and successfully accomplished for only brief moments (the longest was nearly 6 months of mindful eating where I just naturally lost 50+ lbs)

    But now I’m in a malaise of just not wanted to engage. Just not wanting to work on myself or with myself. I’m miserable yet unsure how to motivate myself with out a big stick (shame, repression, isolation).

    Help!

  6. Dear Geneen, thanks for your steady wisdom, support and kindness.

    I can relate a lot with mind hunger, because that is actually what I have done almost all my life since I was a tender child.

    Now, with your ideas, books, and support, I can start asking myself if my hunger is physical or it comes from other unsatisfied places in my life.

    It takes patience, kindness, and the ability to tolerate that is not going to be perfect from the begining!

    I am working on these things.

    Receive my greetings and blessings,

    MG

  7. Thank you for this perspective. I have been engaging with the world at a bigger level. Increased stress dropped me back into food for soothing. I am working on radical honesty and metabolizing the feelings instead of blocking them and turning to food. I needed to read this. I appreciate the wisdom and sharing.

  8. Everything Geneen states in this article is spot on. I am so thankful that she is able to articulate the processes so thoroughly and explain what is really going on under the surface. Geneen is challenging people to live in reality, and I realized as I read her last statement, that I am afraid to ” become aware of quiet needs, unspoken desires, and the thrilling, crazy, unexpected joys of being alive.”. Who are we without the food? Thank you Geneen for giving me that huge insight to ponder on this week. I don’t want to be on the outside of life anymore because I am hiding behind food. I know that God wants me to find out the answer to that question and what he has in store for my life.

  9. Thank you Geneen, this is exactly my problem. I eat all the time, for all sorts of reasons, because I’m depressed, or I want to retreat from the world, or when I want to tune out. My drug of choice is eating cereal and watching TV. I get so stuffed, I feel sick. When I actually allow myself to eat the food whenever I want, the taste for it goes away. And I start craving real food. The emptiness though, the feeling that one of your participants had after a 7, that’s what I’m afraid of. That feeling of emptiness is so strong, it makes me feel like I need to feel full otherwise it will overwhelm me. I’m going to try the non-food pleasure, and then move to the hunger scale. Thank you so much for your work Geneen, I’ve been following you for years!!

  10. Thank you for this article Geneen. I really appreciate the advice and will be posting some of what you’ve shared on my bathroom mirror.

  11. Absolutely one of the best messages that I have understood and can identify with. You are one of the most amazing women and I so cherish and look forward to your words. They SO speak to my heart and soul. As you have said many times you may have said these words before but until a person is open minded enough to listen, understand, practice and become aware or “be present” they are just words. I thank you for your time and continued expressions.

    1. So so true and profound. It describes all the ways and reasons I reach for food when not necessary. Let my new life begin.

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